Lado B

She doesnt exist anymore

2010-10-11T23:22:00.002-06:00

She doesn't exist any more,
She doesn't exist any more.
I let her go like the fool that I was,
thought I'd get over her soon.
I smell her perfume when my eyes are closed,
and I see her face in the moon.
She doesn't exist any more,
She doesn't exist any more.
I tell myself it would be different now,
I wouldn't treat her that way.
I wouldn't be me if she wasn't her,
and it's far too late, anyway.
'Cause she doesn't exist any more,
She doesn't exist any more.
Only inside the ghost of the love,
that is wordless and painful and old.
There's no one else in the whole outside world,
that matches to her soul.
But she doesn't exist any more,
She doesn't exist any more.

Bar Requiem

2008-02-14T09:37:00.003-07:00

En el bar de tu cara,

las noticias no importan,

el clima pasa por los cojones,

varias onzas de whisky,

un poco de soda,

y el reloj de pared,

puede irse con su péndulo,

a registrarse bajo el nombre de su madre

al infierno...

Nebula nocte

2007-12-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

It has been a dark and foggy nite

Being I'm your's and you're mine

Holding your hand I been facing this life

On days that looked like a nitemare from my eyes.

I hold your heart tight to mine

This feeling of emtpiness has started to collide

I understand that distance has changed our ways

Your shadow blurring back a strange

I can't even feel you no more

I'm here my love to you remain

How can I make you stay with me

Of me, you're not happy anymore

So I think of us countless times

Ocean of tears falling in my eyes

Day and nite I wish to fight

My love for you rain or shine

If I thought I'll change your mind

But our dreams I'll hide and save inside

I'll cherish them like a precious star

Perhaps, it'll help if you stay one more nite

and let my heart cherish your heart.

Insomnia

2007-12-07T23:56:00.000-07:00

Your eyes hide under the sheets,
covered in lust, tears and dreams.
I take off my pride,
leave it right next to my pants.

My sin keeps growing,
in this distance, there is no place to hide.
Your sight gets lost in memories,
memoirs you seem not understand.

It is time to reveal my mind,
find a place for my broken heart,
taking a step closer to the edge,
your heart and body are so far away.

Should I let myself fall apart,
wait for your heart to make up its mind,
it is this love that brings me back
To a bed that is empty tonite.

Midwakh

2007-12-06T23:11:00.000-07:00

One espresso shot,
half past five,
pop two naproxen pills,
wash them down with redbull,
light up my pipe,
picture your smile in my mind,
its worthless.....

One espresso more,
half past nine,
a tear rolls down my eyes,
the taste of tobacco
bitters in my mouth.
Your memory vanishes with the smoke.......

One last espresso,
twelve forty five,
the moon wont shine tonight.
Light up one more time,
the tobacco turns into ashes
after a quick fire.
Just like my heart.....

Coração de caipirinha

2007-12-05T15:06:00.000-07:00

Después de embriagar mi corazón

de caricias y besos eternos,

entre fantasías e ilusiones,

he caído presa de tus mentiras.

Te escucho a lo lejos,

el sonido inconfundible de tus pasos,

el ambiente perfumado de tu piel

embriaga mis sentidos….

Sumerge mis sueños en tu pasión,

Olvida el tiempo pasado

Aquel que te ha lastimado

Sumerge mi vida en tu corazón.

Ofuscado por tus besos

Que tan solo han dejado un sabor amargo

Vuelvo a recordar que solo han sido mentiras,

Mentiras e ilusiones, vuélveme a embriagar.

Mercredi

2006-12-04T17:36:00.000-07:00

- Are you sure?

- Yes, no doubt about it.

- Did you asked Alex about it ?

- Indeed, and nothing.

- How bout Diego?

- Same story.

- Don't you have classes that day?

- I talked to Mrs. Sobin and she has no record about it.

- Mhhh … don't worry, you'll remember the moment you least expect it …. You'll see.

- Sure… we'll talk later.

- Don't worry everything will be fine.

- I hope so…. Ciao.

- Bye

Maybe a note or a poem I wrote that day…

I check every notebook and loose paper I find… the desk... The counter…

Nothing.

Maybe in my pockets… As I go through every pair of jeans looking for an answer I get the same answer.

Nothing.

Dirty clothes are still scattered all around my bedroom, and the dirty dishes show that no one has eaten anything in the past few days.

I count my cigars….A Partagas, the Cohiba Diego gave me, and an old Sancho…. This only means there has been no parties and my friends have not been in the apartment lately.

The dog is lying next to his bowls which are empty and dry meaning its been a while since last I fed him.

The car is still in the same spot I usually park it so it gives me the same answer.

Nothing.

My mail is full, but there is no mail from that day, there are no calls placed or received in my cell phone, and I check my email and there is nothing new.

I'm tired….

There are no signs of it.

I have lost another day.

Incertidumbres

2006-11-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

Lo supe demasiado tarde ,
mi mente vagaba sin descanso.
Callejones y calles iluminadas;
No encuentro el porque .
Mi corazon ya no pregunta mas.
Duele tu ausencia
Y ese orgullo intransigente
Que no te permite volver.
Una herida mas ,
Aniquilando sentimientos,
Enterrando palabras,
En poemas ajenos ,
Olvidando el roce de tu pie,l
Arrastrando miseria ,
Palabras acordes
A circumstancias erroneas,
Sentimientos diluidos
en abrazos fortuitos .
Sigo esperando;
Pregunta sin respuesta….
Llamaras o seguire anorando tu ausencia..

Poem without poet.

2006-10-28T19:14:00.000-06:00

Im not a poet,

just an aching heart,

looking for some comfort

and an honest smile.

I'm not Shakespeare

neither Bukowski,

but this is my last pain

there won't be any more poems.

It's simply easier.

Quiet my crazy feelings,

kill the root of all;

I'm lost... It's dark....

Endless words

that never rhyme.

No more poems,

no more endless nites.

She took away what created this stupid verse

and crushed my stone cold heart.

Bar Memento II

2006-08-17T20:56:00.000-06:00

- What a surprise I never thought finding you here and certainly I've been looking everywhere.

- Really? I don't believe you, I have been here and there.

- I've left you messages everywhere, enough for you to know where to go at the right time to make it seem like a casual encounter.

-Like now?

- This doesn't count it's just a dream and tomorrow I wont remember it anymore, besides I forgot my camera to take a picture and remember it the rest of my life.

- The light is very dim; your picture wouldn't come out alright.

-It's just a dream of course it would come alright. I would dream it's the perfect picture.

- Then dream that you have your camera and shoot. I promise I won't close my eyes.

- I can't, it would be better if I write it in my hand and tomorrow morning I put it on a Post-it.

- And what are you going to write?

-That I must not forget what I dreamed about.

The place is small, black walls, velvet curtains. It must be a basement. Short wooden tables with a candle in the middle, lightening everyone who's sitting around. Little instruments fixed in a giant scenario. Drums, sax, and guitar; all aligned right next to a black piano where old pianists used to play and leave a suitcase covered in stickers from the places they have been . Two more candles light up the rest of the place, everyone around are sipping a drink while they wait for the next group to finish setting up their equipment.

..>..>

- This is a noir bar

-I know, I guess that's why I was able to find you here. .

- Of course

- And do you come often?

- No, you only come here when you lose someone. This bar is to accept your lost..

- So you cry and drink?

- No. Whoever comes here knows that losing someone is natural so they come here to have a good time, besides the jazz group s one of the best around.

- But why if there are a lot of people no one socializes and tries to hook up with each other

- Because thats not the purpose of the bar. You just come here to be by yourself

- So you mourn for your loss by having a good time?

- Aja.

- And how long it takes?

- Two or three songs, it all depends on how long the relation lasted. .

- How many songs it took you to forget me?

- Two.

In silence two artists go up the stage, each one takes their instruments and starts checking it for any imperfection. The cigarette vendor walks through our table, as I stop her I give her my pipe so she can fill it with the best tobacco she carries. To the beat of some jazz the vendor walks away with my hard earned money. No one sings yet it seems everybody knows the lyrics. There is no microphone yet you can listen to a singer.

-Hows your mom?

- I dreamed about her before coming, we were shopping for something.. I dont know exactly what maybe Christmas presents.

- And Daniel?

- I havent seen him in a while We met at a place like this except the walls were blue and they only served tequila and Marlboro lights we laughed a lot. See I didnt forget about it because I wrote it in my hand.

- Say hello to them when you see them again, I think of them quite often.

- Ill write it down in my arm, Ill also write to keep sending you messages.

- But make them easier to understand.

- You should know what Im talking about, we dated for over a year.

-I know what you are talking about, but Im afraid I might be mistaken.

-If you doubt then it means that you were not born to be with me.

For the third song; a fat lady starts walking towards the stage, she starts cleaning up for the next band, as she brooms from the side of the stage a guy with a cigarette in his hand walks towards the microphone, the fat lady walks away, as he sits down he throws away the butt of the cigarette and the music starts , there are no musicians or else in the place.

Midnight on a beach on the Mediterranean

and I miss you,

even here taking it all in.

The sand, silvered, carries the moon

on it's shoulders.

Is it possible to put this night to tune

and move it to you?

On the table next to us a guy with a red striped tie is keeping the beat with his foot; he discovers that Im watching and as he blinks to me he sends with the waitress a pink Post-It - For your room, so you never forget He is still drinking and keeping the beat.

- They are really good, the singer is incredible and the song is amazing.

- Yeah, it has a lot of feeling.

- Its a really good mood, everyone here is happy; it seems that instead of mourning they are celebrating something.

- In some way they are celebrating that they will be able to start all over again.

- What time they close?

- You see the TV that is in the corner?

- Yes

- When a black line starts blinking it means its time to go.

- And at what time that is going to happen.

- I dont know.

- Well then how long will it take to appear?

- I dont know either; I just know that when it happens we have to go.

- So there is no time? Minutes, hours, days?

- No; what for? Everybody knows how it works , when it blinks you just go.

Dont cry, I'll bring this home to you

If I can make this night light enough to move.

-Its been two years now.

- I know.

- Its a long time

- Indeed

- It was so fast I didnt even noticed its been two years already.

- We have been busy.

- Thats a sad answer; I cant believe what you are saying.

- It would be even worse to say something else

- Two years.

- Ajám.

- Two year s and I still love you like if we just barely hung up on the phone.

Cargo ships move by

tracing on the horizon line.

There's a luster from the city lights

on the waves that kiss our feet

and we're thinking of going in,

the time's getting thin.

-Did you see?

- What?

- The line started blinking we need to go.

- But the song is not over yet.

- We need to go, thats the rule.

- Alright. I hope this is not the last time we meet.

- I hope not, well we better say good-bye here, they must not see us leave together.

- Why?

- Because thats the rule. You come here alone and you leave the same way.

- Ok dont forget your rose.

-Thanks Im glad we met here. Somewhere else might have been impossible.

-I guess well until next time.

- Take care.

- You too and thanks.

- Why thanks?

- For letting me love you once more through you eyes.

This is a city for not sleeping

and the clocks are set by feel.

At this moment from where I sit,

none of it seems real.

Bar Memento

2006-08-04T11:36:00.000-06:00

How different a body becomes when it stops being yours.... like a metamorphosis.... When you can't touch it anymore without a reason... when you don't know how to walk with her.... hold her hand or give her a kiss in the door...

The first impression when she walked through the bar was that she looked amazing, clearly that white suit looked wonderful on her.
- Cosmopolitan please.
- Dirty martini for me.
And a dead cold silence filled the air while the waiter walks away.
- So how you doing?
- Fine, fine , when did you came back
- Its been almost a week, but I had some things to do, thats why I didnt called before. You know?
- I know.
Our nature plays tricks on us, while we drink the first four the conversation is superficial: hows your dog, hows your mom, is it raining tonight the next drink comes with the important questions.
- So are you dating anybody?
- Please, lets not start
- Im just asking, Have you noticed that the two girls at your left havent stopped staring at you?
- Its because of you.
- They dont look lesbians.
- No, they look at me because Im with you . Kundera said it. He has said everything.
- Is that another of your theories?
- Its not mine.look, women have more interest in going out not with the cute and handsome one, but with the one who is going out with the prettiest girl.
- Is that so?
- Yes look at this two girls for example, they dont stop staring at me because they are trying to figure out what special quality do I have, that even dresse the way I am, Im sitting in such an expensive place with such an attractive woman.
- I dunno its a weird theory . Where do you get it from?
- From the endless battle in between women.
- Dont generalize
- No, but you must admit that the worst enemy of a woman is another woman.
- Again you are generalizing
- No honestly and its even a stupid battle, the woman who knows what she really needs is not even looking for love, she gives priority to those who she knows can fulfill her expectations.... with that little something.
- That is thinking like a woman without being one.
- Youre crazy. All women are crazy.
- Even your mother?
- She is the first one.
- The fact that you dont understand whats going on with us doesnt mean we are crazy.
- So whats going on with you?
- ..
- ..

- Can I offer you something else?
- Yeah , two of the same and a snack.
- A snack?
- Excuse him, could you bring the menu?
- Yes maam, just a moment please.

- They dont serve snacks here, just stuff from the menu
- Fucking place, if they are going to name it a BAR they should search in the dictionary what is the meaning of a snack, that is the problem now a days, snob teens come here to fantasize that they are going to an underground bar. Fuck even the guy in the restroom is in a smoking!!!!
- Thats a plus of yours, you always know where to go.
- Well it wasnt worth too much we are separated.

- Dirty martini for the gentleman, cosmopolitan, and here is the menu maam.
- Thank you
- Could I have a napkin please?
- Just a moment.

- This dude for sure is going to bring a cloth napkin. Who invented those?
- Dude?
- I met some guys and they stuck me this word.
- As long as they dont stick you something else.
- See.. again you are reinforcing my theory about your gender with out even pushing on it.
- I was just commenting.
- Why you dont say things like they are? Why those sentences with a secret meaning?
- Immaturity I guess?
- Maybe that is the way women act regardless their age. And I do think you are the most mature woman Ive ever met.
- Having both feet down to earth doesnt make you more mature. There are so many things Ive done wrong because of immaturity.
- That is maturity. Responsibility. Accept your decisions and stand for them.
- What if I decide wrong?
- Nothing. You accept it and resign. Even if it takes time.
- And you always follow that. You always resignate?
- They have resigned me. Its different.

- Do you want to order anything maam?
- No, thank you , please take it.
- And you sir?
- No, just another martini.
- Excuse me.

- You still cook pasta?
- Sometimes
- Sometimes to a special someone?
- Jajaja you dont miss anything. No, I discovered that I dont need to cook just for the person Im going out with. I cook more often for more friends.
- So youre not dating anybody.
- Well yes, there is someone nothing formal. She is like you, not her look, of course but the way she thinks. It could be you with glasses. And youre even following the same career.
- In the university?
- No, in life. Like you, she lives in fast forward with out ever pausing trying to get something. I dont know what.
- Its called using time in the best way possible to achieve your goals.
- What if those goals are just living your life? Have you ever thought there is nothing else in life but live ? What would happen if what you are looking for you already missed it long time ago? Maybe you are going so fast you didnt even noticed.
- So going out with someone with the same issue how do you call it ? Fall again with the same rock?
- I call it move on.
- And keep suffering.
- Its too soon to know. And yet its nothing serious; we are just friends.
- Doesnt it scare you to know that you might end up alone and hurt?
- A lot but that doesnt mean Im going to stop looking.
- Looking for your next ex-girlfriend.
- Or the love of my life whatever happens first.

- Do you want anything else, we are about to close the bar.
- Just the check please.
- Just a moment.

- I bet hell give me the check the general idea is that the man has to pay.
- I dont think so. They know me here so hell give it to me.

- The check, sir.
- Ja!
- Ill pay.
- As you wish maam.
- Thank you, we hope to see you here soon.
- Thank you.

- With the money you paid here, you could pay your childs college.
- I come here less often. You want me to drop you somewhere?
- Here, Ill walk for a while.
- Well. Well keep in touch.
- Yeah, sure. It was a pleasure seeing you again. I had a good time.
- Its been a while someone tells me that. People assumes you had a good time.
- It shouldnt be like that, people less often says what they think. They assume that the other assume what they assume.
- Thats another of your special qualities. Everyday there is less people like you.
- Fortunately
- You would be the perfect gay if it wasnt for the fact that you love women too much .
- Ja!

Emerald Eyes

2006-05-11T23:52:00.000-06:00

I closed a chapter of this life,

In the dawn of a kiss

With the ink of your lips,

Written by those trembling hands

Those tremble whenever you are in fear.

Keeping two hearts from breaking apart.

I tossed away one dream from the bag

Full of wishes and shining stars,

Dropped from the 38^th floor

And watched it crash.

Yet I dont understand why I write,

Could it be your absence?

or a way to get rid of my fears?

Yet I dont want your compassion,

But a permanent thought in your mind.

A whisper lost with the wind,

And a sunset that left open

A blank page in the forgotten book

To be written when I see myself reflected

In your emerald eyes.

Mar y mar, Noche y dia

2006-05-02T00:41:00.000-06:00

Tapame los ojos
para no ver cuando salga el sol,
evitar la angustia de saber tu partida
cuando aquellas estrellas fugaces
dejen de brillar sin tu presencia.
Rodeado por la fria alborada
busco entre tus labios el sabor marchito
de un beso que jamas has terminado
vuelve, y abraza mi ausencia
besa la sombra de mi obscura memoria.

yesterday. ToNite, nitemare

2006-04-28T00:11:00.000-06:00

Since I met you

Havent been the same ,

fighting to forget what once would keep me awake.

Without nothing ,

without myself.

Living in a dark place

that you ought to call loneliness.

For better or for worse,

life seems blind,

it appears to be deaf,

I wonder if it could change

if we ever see each other again.

Sueños Delicados

2006-03-02T00:21:00.000-07:00

Desperté.

Fumé.

Bebí;

volví a dormir,

a soñar

con tu mirada;

pensar en tus labios,

e imaginar que me amas.

Desperté.

Fumé.

Bebí;

y crei

que serias

la que sacíaria

el vacio del alma

que tiñe mis días.

Bebí.

Dormí;

y al despertar

me inyecte de vida,

para evitar soñar

que tu regresarias.

2006-01-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

Hello again
It’s me
Waking in a state of pain
Sleeping only to see
See the life that I’ve made
Closing eyes to open heart
Realizing this too will fade
This heavy wound will leave a mark
Slowly healing
No one knows the pain, the feeling
My words come out, they can’t hear what I say
Will things ever be okay?
My attitude
That shines through
Making way to a brighter day
Once black… now grey.

Blue eyed princess

2005-12-26T21:08:00.000-07:00

Do you remember?
Shivering bodies,
Our lips were running
Closed eyes, open hearts
Doubt rushed your mind.
Why should I kiss him?
Your reason asked your heart
The only answer
Came from you lips
So tender,
So lovely
Closed eyes, open hearts.
My hand would search your face
My heart, your heart
Today…
So far away,
Did you forget about ourselves?
Let me remind you
The story of a princess
A story with no end.

Lost Canyon State of Mind

2005-12-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

How could I live without you?
How could I forget you?
Whenever you weren’t around,
I couldn’t get you out of my mind.
I don’t know where you are now, or with
Whom, but it would hurt more to know the truth
Than just imagine you close to me.
The moon knows I only care about you,
My soul is tied to your memory,
following your steps,
trying to fill the gaps your
Absence has left.
But please don’t tell me this story is ending,
it would make my journey longer;
If you don’t hold my hand.
Your shadow traps me
in the middle of a cold rain,
while my heart is still
Waiting in the station where you left it.
How could I forget you?
Whenever you are not around,
I can’t get you out of my mind.

Fear and Love

2005-11-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

Never let her heart talk through her mouth,
She wished for a kiss
Did not let me be part,
I wondered her arms,
Get lost in her eyes,
Get lost in her mind;
But it wasn’t the time
Neither the place,
We had to be apart
One month before she gave away her heart.
The day we met I gave her mine,
But it wasn’t the time
Neither the place
What really kept her apart
Was her fear, but it’s a fear
I don’t understand.

Blue tide

2005-11-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

It is like tide,
When she nails her eyes in my sight.
Bright blue eyes.
When I feel her body next to mine,
Her heart beat,
Her soul breath.
I suffer. Suffer and wish.
Wish, suffer and sing.
I am the most weak,
I want to break down
The barrier to her heart.
That is what I wish
Cry, scream, ask… wish.
Break the barrier and sail;
Through her body,
Until the place where there is only nite;
Flooding my feelings with her pure water,
Covering old stories, painful scars.
Tender and love
Against the oxidized knifes
Those try to puncture my soul.
It is like tide, your body next to mine.
And your lips a hurricane that fills my mind.
Bright blue eyes…

2005-11-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

El Lado B cumpe un año , fueron 12 meses en que hubo de todo , pero todo empezo un dia en que buscando encontre el blog de Diminui y de ahi nacio la idea de crear el Lado B, o tal vez eran las ganas de que alguien viera lo que aun me dolia, en fin celebremos con un par de martinis , o un whiskey en las rocas o cualquier cosa que hayan traido ...... si es que trajeron algo..........

Gracias a Diminui (si una vez mas), Blogueratura, Kleaner(por hacer el diseno de la pagina de bienvenida), Azoe, Champi, Monosofia, Mr. Dupeyron,Cloe,Nuri, Dark Saint, bueno y muchos mas (y la verdad soy malo recordando a todos) en el mundo de aca que me leen, critican o visitan........

Gracias a Poncho Baez, Poncho Romero, Emilio Rojas, Elliz Vizcarra, P. Bufalos, Clan Halcones, Clan Durandal y Omar, Oscar Campero, Juan Luis Rodriguez Pons, Oscar Diaz, Miguel Angel Flores y todos aquellos que con sus consejos o experiencias me han ayudado a tomar desiciones.

A Luisa ( a la que quiero con todo mi corazon a pesar de que no se lo diga muy seguido), Gaby Barros, Caoimhe King, Karla Algraves, Mary F.G., Lindsey Walker, Angelene Channelle, y todas esas musas que me han dado su amistad y carino.

Y sobretodo a mi papa , que a pesar de estar a miles de millas de distancia siempre esta apoyandome en todas mis desiciones, ayudandome a volar hacia mi destino, con su esfuerzo y su carino, el cual no es solo un padre sino tambien mi amigo.
Y a mi mama por ser la que ha mantenido la familia unida y es la que siempre esta viendo por cada uno de nosotros .

Bueno. despues de esto, volvamos a levantar las copas y brindemos por un ano mas, lleno de alegrias, sonrisas, exito y letras para que este Lado B no muera.

Salud!!!!!!!!!!!!

Destinos del pasado

2005-11-04T15:15:00.000-07:00

A veces me pregunto que sucederá,
cual es el siguiente paso, o que debo
de hacer, seguir mi corazón, forzar
un nuevo destino..... O tomar tu mano

y caminar contigo.
Escuchar mi mente, olvidar lo vivido,
desprenderme de tus labios,
fingir que nada ha sucedido.
Pasión, olvido, amores lejanos
y un corazón partido.
Que haré con las cartas que
te he escrito, mis pasiones desbordadas,
pequeños fragmentos de lo que
juntos vivimos.
Aun sigo esperando respuestas a mis
preguntas, poder aclarar mis estupidas dudas.
Cuanto tiempo mas?, algún sueño roto,
mi esperanza destrozada.....
Hoy no..... mañana será........

Three stars & one sad poem

2005-10-26T23:48:00.000-06:00

Sad poems is what I write,
Ever since you walked away,
all my tears wet the paper
as if it was ink of my pen.

Every day, every nite
looking for your smile;
in the rays of the sun,
in the bright stars.

Those tears fill every page
of a story that never ends.
So many miles, so few smiles;
when are you coming back?

Maybe next summer, or next life.
We'll go flying
where time never ends,
loving each other till the end.

My poems are sad because they're mine,
but the feelings are yours
like the kisses and the hugs
that everyday I store for you.

Come ,
get them,
I'll be waiting
under three stars.

Rios de lagrimas

2005-10-17T11:55:00.000-06:00

Ríos y ríos de lágrimas / forman ríos y ríos de amor / me dijo mientras me besaba la frente y luego me dijo adiós. / Ríos de sueños que yo se muy bien / que nunca se harán realidad / fluyendo en mis venas y mi soledad / conmigo para siempre estará. / Si un segundo ha durado la vida / yo viví un millón de veces más / y no me arrepiento de haberte querido / pero sí de no haberte matado mientras pude / un segundo ha durado mi vida / yo viví un millón de veces más / y no me arrepiento de haberte querido pero sí... /Si un segundo ha durado la vida / yo viví un millón de veces más / y no me arrepiento de haberte querido / pero sí de no haberte olvidado mientras pude. / Ahora el sol ha dorado mi cara / aún el sol brillará mucho más / tan solo me queda el recuerdo de tu alma y tal vez.../
Sergio Rotman
Fabulosos Cadillacs - Rios de lagrimas

Happiness for one poor mortal is relevant, I've paid in grief far more than my share, yet I still feel the pain.
The smile of a stranger , the thought of a memory, good place to start to look for my sorrow and her happiness.
Pockets full of emptiness and a picture covered in dust, travel with me through a river of tears.
As my dreams walk in a darklight, and the path seems blurry behind, a search must be better away from your hands.
You know where I am going, don't worry about me, if I ever drown, I'll learn to swim.
Time to move on, I start to walk, my sun has to arise before yours.
Cause tonite, my heart and my soul must go on with no one by their side.

Your smile

2005-10-09T10:30:00.000-06:00

Now that I'm feeling sad,
I imagine your face;
it brings me a smile.
You always did,
and you still do.
Your mysterious yet charming smile,
it takes over my thoughts.
Now far, far away;
yet close , close to my heart.
Every time I touched your face,
you thought I was being gentle,
but that wasn't the whole truth;
I was filling my soul,
through my fingers,
through your smile.
You always did,
and you still do.

Silent shadows

2005-09-23T10:22:00.000-06:00

Talking to the shadows in the wall,
thinking about you,
whispering to your heart,
hoping you will listen to my words.
Can't sleep, my dreams are about you;
can't stay awake, I just think of you.
I'm not myself anymore,
you have discovered the real me;
the one I hide for fear
of harm pain and neglect.
A lion waitin to break free,
a side no one but you has seen.
Back to the darkness of my room,
making friends with shadows,
thinking of us, opening my heart;
hoping it won't be hurt this time.
I whisper again, no answer arrives.
I shout ... Dead cold silence.
Talking with my eyes,

silencing my mouth.
Hold my hand,

let me know you're with me
Don't speak ...
Just answer with a kiss.

Coeur noir

2005-09-23T10:15:00.000-06:00

For my heart, your heart
and my freedom in your eyes.
From my lips to the sky;
my illusion every day
and the rain in the nite.
The horizon and your absence
suddenly you crash in my mind.
Why touch it?, why make her sad?
Why think she is not
like the rest that lies behind ?
Histories that I could tell you.
Histories that mark my past;
some I won't remember,
written in dead cold ice.
Some are full of sadness,
sadness I can't hide.
For my heart, your heart
and my freedom in your eyes.

Picture by Mary G.F.

Posto sconosciuto

2005-09-23T10:13:00.000-06:00

From the place
where I am always thinking of you,
wondering where to go, what to do.

From the stone I left my heart,
hiding my feelings
from them walking apart.

From the darkness my soul was lost,
searching your light,
imagining your eyes.

Can't walk this path,
not this way,
without holding your hands.

Nightmares

2005-09-22T23:10:00.000-06:00

Right next to you ,
facing each other;
who else but you,
to read my feelings
through these eyes
flying like butterflies.

It is me;
the one who tenders your dream
in constelations of stars,
in the depth of your mind.

In a blue nite,
I torn my luck to be with you.
But what am I?,
Saying this is just an illusion
of my playful heart.

A heart that remembers
our first kiss,
your lips
and my dream.

Why the road seems longer?
If it was already walked.
I sigh,
between the shadows
and destiny shadows ....
I look at you ,
cry out loud your feelings ....
cry out loud ....

Walking away, I look back ......
Nothing but dust,
I keep walking,
staring at the empty road,
your light still burns bright .....
It seems blurry,
I can't see any difference,
everything looks the same....

I wake up ....
You are still here,
your lips,
your eyes,
your thoughts,
my mind ....

I sigh.....
Wondering ....
A star on top ...
Two more ....
Our stars ....
One heart ....

Image by Kalnieciay

Coeur blanc

2005-09-14T16:15:00.000-06:00

One day

I will forget

filling myself

just enough to be brave.

Leaving behind

the dark past,

I'll speak through my heart

and you'll know.

Listen

Imagine

Inspire

Cry

Because of us

for your cause.

Brighten my life,

don't ignore my eyes.

If we were together

you would understand

why my heart,

needs your heart.

Echoes of time

2005-09-14T08:42:00.000-06:00

Thinking, stuck in the worst loneliness.

You are far away, farther than anybody.

Thinking, freeing some birds,

vanishing your image, burying my heart,

choking sorrows, crushing hopes;

I won't fight you, not tonite.

Sometimes your presence is absent,

like a stranger in my life.

I think, deeply, while I walk,

how was life before you?

Screaming to the sea,

sad anger, a scream,

the emptiness of this nite.

Who were you before that?

You were far away, just as tonite.

Fire !!!

Fire in my heart,

who is calling?

Who can't listen?

Im burning, everything is falling apart,

and my soul dances in the echoes,

and my soul cries.

Time of bitter...

Time to die...

Alley whispers

2005-09-03T22:32:00.000-06:00

Surround my thoughts with your arms ,
silence my eyes with your red lips ,
lets begin the nite
brightened by a full moon and your blue eyes.

Walk ... Through the alley,
don't be afraid, hold my hand;
everybody is looking , hoping we fall
but we'll walk together till the end.

And now...
my shadow kisses your dreams,
my lips scream your name,
and your absence surrounds the day.

How will you get rid
of the ashes of our love?
So deep in your heart,
burning your soul, burning your mind.

Future glimpses; a shooting star,
just a star, but it reminds
of three lights burning in the sky,
silent witnesses of our secret.

Hug me; winter cold
takes over my eyes,
a tear got frozen after it fell down.
Kiss me again.... before I die.

Sunset

2005-09-02T23:49:00.000-06:00

Until today , I still think there is tomorrow,
What we did is what may be,
and still our paths
are divided, just when the sunset died.

I've been looking around,
and everyday, the past seemed to be earased.
Your body is so distant,
and your words are cold.

So far away, your body from mine;
is it possible that the thought of you
is just playing tricks in my mind?
How can I understand?

It reminds me of so many things
that I left pending in different places,
leaving behind the time,
and all of our discussions and fights.

You never left,
still present wherever the sun sets.
And time goes by
with your eyes chained to my heart.

I know it is true......
It's just the thought about you........

Time after time

2005-08-31T23:44:00.000-06:00

There will always be time for love and this endless letters.
Time to remember your bright smile,
My eyes lost in your sight,
And the evening that one day will come back.

Time that gathers all of our memories,
Making them a song,
That frees our mind, holding together
Those memories and our hearts.

And that makes true our dreams,
Dreams become a reality
That takes over every evening
One day, will hold hands

Together till eternity.

Wars and Hearts

2005-08-28T23:16:00.000-06:00

It's cold ,
the nite has taken over the endless sun,
just six minutes past my love,
memories take position in the battlefield,
ready to attack my defenseless heart.
Cold, the weather is cold.
Reason is standing next to you,
holding a gun loaded with excuses,
you are ready to fight,
and I don't understand why.
Wait a minute,
before the battle begins,
let my heart take cover under your freedom,
cause it seems it's the only blessing i have to my name .
So lets fight for what should be
instead of what could have been.
When this war is over,
think of me and hold me tight,
to your thoughts, to your mind,
while you walk across
the ruins of two broken hearts.

Stolen Nite

2005-08-25T21:34:00.000-06:00

I surprise myself,
looking in old memories,
searching for the kisses
that stole from us one nite.
But as the time goes by
I look into your eyes
and I see the sadness
that your heart hides;
the love we had
escaped as a burglar
from our hands.
Tell me, please...
What happened to our words?
Tell me, please...
Who broke our love?
It might be gone,
the lips where I dreamed,
just distance between ports.
And now solitude hugs my heart,
what can I say?
Everything became nothing,
time doesn't know how to go back
and probably you don't want me to remind.
Silence is breaking us apart,
like a sorrow, my words cry out....
Where are you?

Solitude St.

2005-08-23T21:23:00.000-06:00

Today my world has turned gray,
the sky has been crying my evergreen.
My bed keeps moving, I cant sleep;
the wind whispers your name,
can't see you laughing,
I'm not even able to imagine,
my thoughts are wondering
in solitude street, right next
to the heart with crazy beat.
I keep walking through thin air,
looking for the silence of the warm nite.
The best I can breath ,
pure, honest.....
and I'm still wandering around.

Train station

2005-08-19T15:05:00.000-06:00

How could I live without you ?
How could I forget you ?
Whenever you were not around,

I couldn't get you out of my mind.
I don't know where you are now, nor with whom,
but it would hurt more to know the truth,
that is why I just imagine myself close to you.
The moon knows I only care about you,
my soul is tied to your memory,
following your steps,
trying to fill the gaps
your absence has left.
But please don't tell me this story is over,
it would only make my journey longer....
Please just hold my hand....
Your shadow traps me in the middle of a cold rain,
while my heart is still waiting in the station where you left.
How could I forget you?
whenever you are not around,
I can't get you out of my mind.

Summer Nite

2005-08-09T10:37:00.000-06:00

My heart, late evening of july;

the day, one thousand nites.

Every dream in my mind,

your lips, that kiss;

reality or fantasy?

Your heart,

early morning of my life.

So pure, so innocent.

Your thoughts, my eyes;

my dreams, still apart;

your hopes, a feeling,

same as mine,

torn apart

every day , every nite.

Your smile

2005-08-04T21:08:00.000-06:00

Now that I'm feeling sad,

I imagine your face;

It brings me a smile.

You always did,

and you still do.

Your mysterious yet charming smile,

it takes over my thoughts,

now far, far away,

yet close, close to my heart.

Every time i touched your face

you thought i was being gentle,

but that wasn't the whole truth;

I was filling my soul,

through my fingers,

through your smile.

You always did,

and you still do.

Earthly Heaven

2005-07-22T20:30:00.000-06:00

I surround myself,
with angels and seraphims
to kneel before you ,
pure and gentle woman.
I talk to you in silence
while you ignore me,
with your eyes,
with your mind,
I look for you
with my thoughts.

Just keep quiet,
look at me,
how I write stories
with my fingers;
stories that your lips
may never make true.

Lets get lost,
in a minute that never ends,
in your beauty,
in my devotion,
my words and your thoughts;
in this cold nite,
just your lips and my eyes.

Strangers

2005-06-06T20:24:00.000-06:00

I know we haven’t met yet
And probably in the end you will forget.
Even though we will be apart,
I’ll keep your thought close to my heart.

It may have been your eyes,
Or it could have been your smile;
You got stuck in my mind
And that is something I can’t deny.

You seem to fear me,
We haven’t been able to break the barrier.
Deep in your soul I’ll reach,
But there is an absence of speech.

Keeping a box full of hope and love;
Take it, don’t break it,
Hold it close to your heart,
It seems like the end, but it may just be the start.

Just take a chance,
I’ll cherish your heart
All those that told you lies before,
Never had my face or my voice.

Carnaval

2005-05-26T11:27:00.000-06:00

Marionetas de un mundo de hipocresía es lo que somos día tras día.
Mascaras y antifaces ocultan el engendro infernal que llevamos dentro.
Banquetes, orgías; gula y lujuria es lo que intenta satisfacer nuestro deseo muerto.
Mentiras y traiciones son los puñales que han dejado inmóvil al amigo ajeno.
Alcohol y drogas han sido el camino emergente que los débiles han elegido.
Lamento, lágrimas y sueños rotos son la bandera que portan aquellos a quien cupido olvido.

Las mascaras siguen presentes, de vez en cuando algún audaz decide desafiar lo habitual, quebrantar las reglas e intentar respiras, dejando caer la prisión de papel mache que oculta su ser.....
Se escucha la mascara al chocar contra el piso, aquel héroe sin nombre es rodeado por buitres que no lo dejaran triunfar, jamás se le volverá a ver, sus ideas han sido devoradas, será exiliado al lugar donde sus pregones se unirán al silencio del viento.

Mientras tanto la fiesta ha de continuar,
el disturbio debe ser olvidado,
con un poco del embriagante néctar que se ha derramado,
sobre copas de oro y marfil blanco tallado.
Los sonidos de las copas chocando han sido opacados,
por risas y llantos que han crecido en este ambiente tan amargo.

Detrás del antifaz, aquel pensamiento predominante será el primero en caer envenenado, mientras compartan el vino, las mentiras, el orgullo , las ideas el cielo y las estrellas; el viejo Caronte los seguirá esperando a que uno a uno tropiecen con el hilo que les ha de dar una sincera eternidad.

Pasa.... disfruta..... Sírvete una copa, camina entre la falsa alegría que encubre esta miseria.
No importa si de noche o de día.....
El carnaval de la vida jamás termina.

Again

2005-05-19T09:21:00.000-06:00

You tell me you'll try
I can tell it's a lie
You failed me again
But I can't say goodbye

You say that you care

I've always been fair

You failed me again

It's more than I can bear

You say that it's love

But if you read what's above

Maybe you'll see

What you're doing to me

I forgive you once more
I don't know what for
You'll do it again
But your heart I adore

Your knife cuts too deep

Your word you can't keep

Ignoring my warnings

It's time to take that leap.

Sueños de barro

2005-05-16T22:57:00.000-06:00

Se confunden los colores
con las horas, los aromas,
sentimientos y diferentes formas;
con tus sueños, con los míos;
olvidando el pasado, imaginando un futuro
Sueños....
solo son eso,
efímeros pensamientos perdidos
en el barro del letargo.
Moldéalos, dales formas
no dejes escaparlos
tómalos entre tus manos
rozándonos los labios
enseñarán a deleitarnos.
si, quizá son solo sueños
sueños guajiros
sueños.......
pero que seria de la vida sin ellos?

Insomnio

2005-05-10T22:52:00.000-06:00

No conozco a nadie, tan solo esta puta soledad con la que convivo día a día , hablo con ella, discutimos y terminamos la pelea en un colchón maltratado como cualquier pareja superficial; charlo con mi angustia y tu ausencia ,y junto con ellas vemos ocultarse la luna, divagando pasiones mientras el sol se acerca.

Dibujo tu rostro entre los pliegues de las sabanas, tan frías como el silencio de tu mirada, imagino mis dedos recorriendo tu cuerpo desnudo, recorriéndolo una y otra vez, sin perder detalle, para poder trazarlo cuando se me acabe el aire.

Regreso a mi lecho , acuesto mis pensamientos esperando que Morfeo se apodere de mis deseos, mas ocurre lo contrario, regreso al vicio que no tiene compasión por mis sentimientos, cierro los ojos y escucho tu respiración, el aire se vuelve a impregnar de tu sutil aroma, mi espalda siente la tersura de tus labios, tus manos ….

Despierta, deja de darle vueltas, esto no es más que una incoherencia, jamás volverás, y jamás he esperado que vuelvas.

Me detengo un momento a reflexionar, estoy varado en un punto que jamás llegue a imaginar, aquel lugar donde mis Ángeles han partido con tus demonios, mi estabilidad mental se ha vuelto un juego.

No puedo mas, aléjate, piérdete en el olvido, permíteme recordar donde deje mi corazón, aquel que sirvió de blanco en el juego del amor.

Apostare mi alma, me dejare perder, queriendo recuperar mis sueños sin tener que atarme a tus efímeros deseos. Respirare del aire que me mantendrá encadenado al paraíso infernal.

Esperare ese momento, día a día, impregnado de paciencia, llegara aquel día en que las cadenas de tu nombre se oxidaran con el sudor que emanan mis compañeras de cama, aquellas que abrieron las puertas de su cuerpo a cambio de una falsa promesa de esperanza. Y ese día nos encontraremos, caminare despacio, mirare tus ojos al compás de mi sonrisa, detendrás el paso, y dibujaras en tu rostro la soledad que existe en tu vida.

Gift of misery

2005-04-28T00:53:00.000-06:00

I'll learn your body in silence,
I won't mistake your soul
before the day I go
everything shall be done.

What is real, what is common,
the visible and invisible.
Knowing your heart
will be my primary task.

Further ahead of what lies behind;
treason, hugs, tears, and lies.
All those things you've never said
and every day you used to pretend.

In silence your mind I'll learn,
and cherish your heart my reason I'll make .
Your death cold words I'll discern,
and this old pain we will forsake.

Eterno naufragio

2005-04-18T23:32:00.000-06:00

Cabello negro , piel blanca, una mirada que ilumina mi alma, y una sonrisa que mis penas mata. Perdida en el horizonte donde nada pasa.
Noche a noche le reclamo a la luna que no te diga lo que mi corazon clama; temerosa de mi furia hay noches que no aparece esperando que al dia siguiente mi rabia sea apaciguada.
Tambien le reclame a las estrellas fugaces por haberte ensenado la manera de ilusionar a este pobre enamorado. Con ese raro fulgor , corto y lejano, pero a la vez extraordinario, eres una rara mezcla de dios y diablo.
Mientras tanto sigo esperando a que amanezca, para escuchar en las olas la dulce voz que de tu boca ha emanado, cristalino manantial de hiel que mi sed no ha saciado, si tan solo bebiera directamente del nectar que producen tus labios, tal vez el sabor amargo podria ser soportado.
Dificil parece creer que jamas te olvide,y es por que he perdido todo,me he olvidado de vivir; sin pasado, sin presente, mientras ignoras la incertidumbre que en esta playa atormenta, la cruel naturaleza de un secreto que no tiene respuesta.
Sigo perdido , buscandome en un rumbo que no tiene horizonte ni destino fijo.

El silencio de tu nombre

2005-04-17T23:27:00.000-06:00

Berenice era su nombre, Gabriela Berenice. Odiaba con fervor su segundo nombre; la llamaba así solo para hacerla rabiar, por el hecho de verla después abrazarme y decirme que nada iba a cambiar.

La conocí cuando tenía 6 años, tenía una cara celestial, como si un pequeño ángel se escondiera tras su sonrisa, y esos ojos de marfil escondían a la niña que por crecer tenia prisa.

Éramos inocentes todavía, en alma y deseo, jugábamos por tan solo jugar y al tomar su mano buscaba que no fuera a tropezar.

Los niños a mi alrededor veían caer las tardes correteando un balón, ellas en cambio disfrutaban con muñecas que cobraban vida en sus delicadas manos.

De eso hace ya más de diez años.

Su madre…. Ella jamás me quiso, me lleno de etiquetas el cuerpo y algunas de ellas dé ningún modo las he podido despegar; subversivo, irresponsable, incauto, ufano, imprudente, en fin la lista día con día incremento. La realidad es que ella veía en mi el reflejo de aquel hombre que años atrás la abandonaba para poder estar con aquella musa que en sus noches no le dejaba descansar, dejándola desamparada en una triste soledad y sin el apoyo para poder criar el fruto de lo que alguna vez llamaron felicidad….

Transcurrieron los años, mi amistad con Gabriela fue evolucionando; sosteniendo su mano pretendía demostrarle mi afecto, ella resistiendo a sus deseos ocultaba su afecto detrás del mismo juego; su madre había hecho mucho esfuerzo para infundir dentro de ella el más grande miedo, de terminar como su madre.

Mi mente loca se alejo de ella, mi corazón ofuscado gritaba su nombre sin cesar, mi cuerpo vagabundo se alojo en callejones obscuros y sin salida, buscando encontrar lo que solo Gabriela le podría dar,

Partí sin rumbo, mi corazón reclamo en silencio por haberlo alejado de lo que no ha podido encontrar en nadie mas.

Su recuerdo ahora son solo cenizas, jamás la he vuelto a ver, olvide su risa y el brillo de sus ojos de marfil Gabriela era su nombre, lo vuelvo a repetir para no olvidarlo, su nombre juega en mis labios lo repito a diario con el afán de tener en mi mente algo con que identificarla cuando el efímero encuentro algún día se presente.

Dos monedas.....

2005-04-12T16:30:00.000-06:00

Si el tiempo dejara de ser eterno , entonces me derramaria en una soledad crepuscula, de la cual no me podria salir sin la ayuda de tu corazon de cera, que se amolda a la situacion que le acecha; frio como el hielo, duro como el acero e impenetrable como tus deseos; a la vez es suave y tibio como la brisa de verano en algun oasis perdido .

Mas tan solo de ti depende como es que termine tanto sufrimiento estupido, sufrimiento que causado el derrumbe de escaleras a mis ilusiones, y el encuentro con Caronte que no se ha compadecido de mi miseria y me ha dejado esperando a que algun alama ajena se apiade de mi.

Mientras tanto sigo esperando aqui sentado, viendo tu rostro en el amanecer o veo en el amanecer tu rostro..... ya no lo se, mi espera se ha vuelto un espejismo y me alimento de tus ilusiones y mi realidad, mas ya no tengo fuerzas para diferenciarlas, porque a pesar de ser tan diferentes, son como el agua pura y sin principio ni final, siempre igual...

Dicen que la vida son oportunidades , que el amor es pasajero y que todo tiene un remedio, pero si el no tenerte aqui es lo que debo sufrir por amarte , entonces creo que esta soledad es mi condena y tu amor mi remedio.

Seguramente tu seras la que entregue dos monedas con tal de hacer de mi entierro una festividad y hacerme infeliz por una eternidad.

Un minuto mas

2005-04-09T10:44:00.000-06:00

Quedate un minuto mas,
mientras te termino de explicar,
mientras comienzo a comprender
porque esta noche has de partir.

Hace tiempo que no hablamos,
te veo venir, me ves pasar,
y asi es como ha de sguir
esta vida sin ti.

Pero te lo vuelvo a pedir,
quedate un minuto mas aqui,
dejame volverte a contemplar
y asi recordar los dias que jamas han de regresar
los dias que pase contigo
y que nunca olvidaras.

Recuerdos incomprensibles,
que un dia cualquiera
pasaron a ser parte de un baul olvidado
que solo has de abrir cuando hayas de guardar
un recuerdo mas que mi nombre no ha de llevar
esta vez llevan el perfume de alguien mas.

Tan solo un minuto tardaras,
amontonarlo junto a los recuerdo
recuerdos del pasado
mas te llevara una vida olvidarlos.

Solo te pido un minuto mas
dejame volverte a contemplar
para asi jamas poderte olvidar.

2005-04-03T01:40:00.000-07:00

Pope John Paul II was not only a world leader in his life time , but now in his death, he will go down on history as an all time world leader, a man of strength amd courage and a man of firsts.
In his 26 years as Holy Father, he was said to be the most recognized person in the world. he was the most traveled pope in the 2000 year history of the Church, visiting both Mexico and the United States multiple times, and was the first non Italian chosen as pope in 456 years.
When he was chosen to lead the Roman Catholic Church in 1978, he was only 58 years old, the youngest pope ever elected by the College of Cardinals.
And throughout, he was a pope who walked and talked amidthe people, and in his last days, as frail as he was, made it a point to wave to the Catholic faithful from his window above St. Peter's Square at the Vatican.
In his youth, in Poland, he was a soccer goalie and a daredevil who swam in dangerous rivers. He was also an excellent student and developed a love of theater.
He was fearless as a pope, not only when it came to preserving strict disciplines of the Church, but to his own physical well being. He survived an assassination attemtp and came back strong both menthally and physically.
He was steadfast: In 1989 he traveled to the Soviet Union and stepped up reestablishment of Church hierarchy throughout the East Bloc.
Possibly he was busiest in 1990. He flew to Czechoslovakia to hail the collapse of communism. Later that year he ruled out marriage in the priesthood.
In 1992 he issued the Roman Catholic Church's new universal Catechism, the first in nearly five centuries. In 1997 he said Christians failed during the Holocaust and in 2000 he asked pardon for Church's past sins, incluiding those against Jews, heretics, women, and minorities.
Of late, in 2002, he issued the first changes to the praying of the rosary in 500 hundred years, and in 2004 he condemned same sex marriage and called it an attack on the fabric of society.
Critics point out Pope John Paul II shied away from involvment in the AIDs epidemic, especially in Africa, and that his 2001 apollogy to victims of sexual abuse by priests and other cleregy was not strong enoug.
As a person said to have lived the way Christ would have lived in these times, he showed a strong ability to absorb physical pain and suffering. From the assasination attemtp in 1981 by a Turkish gunman he later publicy forgave , to his slow death, he was an example of a man suffering nobly to not only Roman Catholics but to all peoples in the world.
Pope John Paul II touched millions of those lives. And his imprint as a good Pope will go down forever in history.

Desolacion

2005-03-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

¿Sabes?
A veces siento un nudo de desesperación en el pecho, un sentimiento de impotencia al no poder hacer o decir lo que deseo.
Mis mayores sueños siguen siendo un secreto a voces, mis logros no me causan ninguna satisfacción.
Dicen las personas que en mi existe un gran potencial, y me preguntan que estoy esperando para poder explotarlos
¿Pero que no entienden que no los he podido identificar?
¿Que lloro en silencio sin una sola lagrima derramar?
¿Que mis promesas han sido palabras que se las ha llevado el viento cual hojas marchitas, pero han herido a un sin numero de personas tal cual dagas afiladas?
Y a pesar de esto sigo cayendo, cayendo en un abismo de soledad y depresión, obligándome a portar esta mascara de Don Juan fracasado, pero detrás de ella sigo siendo tan solo un ermitaño. Un solitario vagabundeando de corazón en corazón sin esperanza alguna de encontrar amor, tan solo un refugio temporal a esta tempestad de soledad, con el único deseo de llegar algún día a aquel faro de luz que me ha de volver a iluminar.

Carta al olvido

2005-03-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

Hace ya varios años que no conozco a alguien como tu.
Alguna vez me dijiste que te habías robado mi corazón, cuando lo decías interrumpí tus palabras con un beso, y tiernamente te dije que te entregaba mi corazón y mi alma.
Pero hoy nuestro camino se ha separado, cada quien por su propio lado, el tiempo que ha dividió nuestras historias aumenta el misterio de tu ser y el enigma de mi vida.
Sabes, gustaba de perderme entre tus pensamientos, hurgando entre tu los escombros de tu pasado y el cascajo incierto de tu futuro, ciertamente lo hice muchas veces, pintando tus días de gris; en cambio tu, gustabas desquebrajar mi sueños guajiros pensando en ti y opinando por mi, ciertamente muchas veces me despertaste de aquel sueno que jamás he podido volver a recordar... pero eso hoy tan solo dibuja una sonrisa en mi rostro.
Han habido muchas que me han robado el pensamiento, pero ninguna de ellas ha podido descifrar mi lenguaje, aquel con el que tu pudiste entenderme, incluso quisiste adueñarte de mis pensamientos e hiciste todo lo posible por editarlos, pero esos intentos se han quedado en el pasado.
Y sigue pasando el tiempo, días, meses, años, y yo sigo leyendo la misma historia entre nuestros corazones. Entre recuerdos y sueños, besos y deseos, construimos nuevas historias en base a lo que juntos un día erigimos.
Y esta carta, es tan solo un momento del tiempo en el que tu nombre volvió a ser cómplice del mío, y regreso al presente donde se que a pesar de la distancia tu estas bien y yo también y eso nada lo puede cambiar , ni el mismo padre celestial.
Así que toma estas letras, son tuyas, puedes beberlas cada noche con un sorbo de nostalgia y melancolía, un toque de recuerdos e historia, en una cama llena de deseos que jamás se harán realidad.

Por aquellos buenos tiempos.
Salud !!!

Hopes of love

2005-03-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

Life made me crazy , crazy about a miracle called love, but that is just a name, a name doesnt tells that much if there is not a feeling involved ; how is it possible that we resume a wave of feelings in three simple words.. I love you, and it really depends on the moment that those words are said, by whom are said, and obviously to whom they are said.
But all this madness, what is worth if it is just said because of a compromise and not a true feeling, isnt it just a waste of time, words and hope? Hope? You may ask, yes hope, because with every word we say, every time we say it, we are building towards the future, a castle of dreams, of wishes and expectations.
Now lets turn the card and face the other way, what happens when you are not able to convey your love?, what happens when something stop us from showing our true feelings towards the loved one?, are we strong enough to keep our desire to ourselves and see the ones we care for keep going with their lives with out letting them know? Isnt that really stupid, awkward, and nonsense?
What should we expect then?
Wait till the person that loves us open to us and let their feelings flow through their words, actions and thoughts, or just move on, walking slow to a new future, looking for a new port, paused without hurries, taking with us what one day was something beautiful, a couple of letters and photographs, to let us sigh whenever we need to go back to our peace state of mind, giving us time to realize how far we are now.
Letting our heart speak our way, guiding us through what we once already walked, and then when we find our true love, well be back to what once was the beginning of our journey.
The craziness will keep you walking, even though your mind is filled with crazy ideas, our heart will recognize when we have reached our final goal. Love and be loved.

Thorn hug by Margot Knight

Perdicion

2005-03-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

Pensaba en algo, en no se que, y a media noche llegaste para alumbrar mi obscuridad con tu luz . Para pintar mi mundo entero de blanco y azul. Con tu eterna melodia por voz, que arrulla mis oidos y atormenta mi pasion.
Llevo tu nombre a cada paso que doy , a cada instante , en cualquier momento, en cada flor.
Si preguntaras que si te tengo presente cuando te pierdo , solo puedo decirte que eres el unico camino que recuerdo al regreso.
Si la duda abrazara mi cuerpo y profana mi mente , pensando en ti se rompe el silencio, termina lo cotidiano y estalla tu universo.
Tus ojos tienen el color de la noche, siempre profundo , interminable en libertad, la unica puerta que tengo a tu alma , y el camino exacto a tu corazon.
Tan solo permiteme pasar, entrar y plantar la semilla que nos deje perdernos en el siempre de tu horizonte.

ALEJANDRO FILIO ( VERSION ORIGINAL )

Divagando en alcohol

2005-03-13T14:38:00.000-07:00

Soledad, vacio, obscuridad, desesperacion;
sumido en un abismo de locura.
Embriagame con tus mentiras,
hazme creer que eres mia,
que el tiempo es eterno
y esta noche no es tan fria .
Hinunda mi conciencia de tu ser,
no dejes que nada mas ocupe tu espacio,
que no me permita ni si quiera respirar,
asfixiame entre tus brazos.
Envename con tus labios,
que derroten mi alma,
y se olviden tus reproches
en el lecho de mi cama.
Haz de tu saliva el veneno
que derrite mi cuerpo,
y de tu boca el manantial prohibido
donde pueda ahogar mi sed de ti.
Libera mis sentidos,
libera mi mente,
ebriagame,
envenename
y dame la muerte.

Picture by Eric Stifler

Worthless dream

2005-03-09T16:15:00.000-07:00

Quisiera poder no escribir lo que hay en mi , crear un mundo del cual no pueda salir. Quisiera poder sentir la brisa del cielo, y no decirte cuanto sufro por tu ausencia.

Quisiera darle sentido a mi vida, que se llenara de luz y alegria, quisiera....

Quisiera no pensar que el mundo se termina donde termina nuestro pensamiento, hacer tantas cosas; volar un sueno como un papalote , atarlo y dejarlo libre, revoloteando por encima de nuestras ideas y prejuicios, quisiera.....

Quisiera que hoy me miraras a los ojos, como cuando me relatabas tu vida sin separar los labios, que encendieras la llama que quema mi alma, con un suspiro de tu mirada; quisiera.....

Quisiera pero no sera asi, y estas heridas sanaran cuando mi corazon lo cubran las cenizas de este amor, y el clarobscuro de emociones se pierda en el ocaso de una historia que jamas se terminara de escribir.

( Foto propiedad de worht1000.com )

Wise men

2005-03-07T14:49:00.000-07:00

As he was putting some roses in his wife's tomb, he saw and old chinese man putting a bowl of rice in front of another tomb, concerned about this he aproached the old man and asked:

- Do you really think your dead is going to come and eat the rice?

- Yes, the old man replied, as soon as your dead comes to smell your flowers.

Respecting others opinions is one of the greatest virtues a human being can have, every single one of us is different and in consecuence we act and think different.

Don't try judging, try to understand them, if you can't understand, just forget it.

2005-03-01T22:57:00.000-07:00

Men creates or makes wars, men grow up or become politicians. Creators gather together around the world; the others , and thats the majority, tend to separate , to kill each other even in football fields, they try to win with violence what the couldnt win with intelligence. The old habits are like a sinking ship, and the best thing to do when a ship is sinking is abandon it.
@rsenico Qualcomm

Nostalgia nocturna

2005-02-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

Mía , solamente mía , mientras calmamos la tormenta del mar , mientras me pierdo navegando en el mar de tu tempestad , o al menos déjamelo imaginar que eres mía, o al menos déjamelo imaginarlo , que eres mía aunque de ti ya no me queda nada.
Pasare la noche solo , esta fría noche la pasare sin ti , mas no puedo olvidarte, aun te siento junto a mi como el aire que respiro , como la boca con su brisa que al rozarme me enamora.
Que pena que no tengas corazón ni alma, que por dentro ya no sientas nada, que pienses que este sufrimiento no causa daño alguno. Pero me falta el aire, este amor tan solo fue el veneno que me condeno.
Déjame olvidarte , aunque en ti todavía este ese silencio atado a tu alma , déjame olvidarte lentamente sin que muera la agonía deja que el tiempo sea el que cure la herida que has dejado en mi corazón. Que pena que me dejes solo, que por dentro ni te duela, y aunque en ti me pierdo como se pierde el sol en la distancia cada día, soltare al viento cada recuerdo, tu risa, sonrisa y el aroma de tu cuerpo. Y es que hoy te miro y tiemblo…

2005-02-23T09:45:00.000-07:00

Eso del felatio y el cunnilingus para mi son pura mamada.....

@rsenico Qualcomm

Kiss by Tania Chalkin

Cronica de una muerte anunciada

2005-02-22T01:17:00.000-07:00

se apaga la luz y solo queda la oscuridad, siento mi cuerpo inerte, respiro pero no siento mi respiracion, grandes desiertos aparecen en mi mente, solo hay recuerdos de pasiones perdidas que vagan desoladas. sedientas de paz, de esencia, que no encuentran salida, tan solo espejismos que sonrien; y colman su sed por un instante, mas despues son solo sombras en aquel desierto.

hablo pero no escucho mi voz, grito, pero nadie me escucha, me invado de rabia que se pasa en un instante y se comvierte en miedo al sentirme en ese lugar oscuro con la unica compañia que me da la soledad, donde recibo golpes que me llenan de angustia, impaciencia absurda por querer salir de mi mismo y gritar que estoy aquí que, estoy vivo.

Vivo en un desierto buscando no encontrar nada, buscando la razon de estar vivo, y siento dolor sin sentir mi cuerpo, sin embargo lo veo, con ese color a muerto, lleno de melancolia y trizteza, queriendo gritar deseperanza solo por histeria, para decir que estoy vivo en palabras absurdas plasmadas en letras que debrayan mi ira, la ansiedad que me hacen sentir y decir....... estoy vivo.

2005-02-20T14:44:00.000-07:00

Una vez mas juntos, el mismo estupido juego.
Pero no habra sentimientos si tu no los tienes ,
tampoco habra reclamos si tu no los haces,
y no lo quiero si tu no lo quieres...
OK?...
Vamos a la cama.

@rsenico Qualcomm

(Picture by Margot Knight)

Ironias

2005-02-15T13:25:00.000-07:00

- Mi vida?

- Dime corazon?

- Me das un besito angelito?

- Si mi cielo

Tres meses después irónicamente pasa a ser la pinche vieja, la piruja con la que salía, el muy puto, el perro aquel, y la lista sigue así sucesivamente. Pero muy dentro de si mismo todavía a los dos les duele, eso que ni que, y para colmo los dos se la pasan buscando razones de porque al final las cosas se fueron a pique.

Pero uno es realmente estupido cuando esta enamorado, hacemos una sarta de tonterías (y me incluyo porque yo si me he volado la barda muchas veces) uno supuestamente enamorado quiere pasar el mayor tiempo posible con la pareja, y es obvio uno quiere compartir con esa persona todo lo que nos rodea, escuela, trabajo, amigos, logros, fracasos, etc., etc., etc., y como no va a ser eso si uno busca esa relación que solo entre dos personas se da.

Y al final no queda ni madres, como carajos piensa que no me va a doler que de un día para otro me haya dejado así como así sin ni si quiera pensar en lo que yo sentía .Nunca he sido de los que oculta los sentimientos ni lo que pienso. Y en ese sentido soy muy cuadrado (y algunos otros dirán muy pendejo) pero si yo quise a alguien como quise a esa disoluta no puedo quedarme así mordiéndome un huevo a quedar tan solo como amigos. A chingar a su madre!!!!!!

…si soy y así he sido, mi forma de querer a una persona es lo que me diferencia de todos los demás … mi forma de sentir, mi forma de pensar fue lo que la acerco a mi, no un mísero carrujo de marihuana o unos gramos de nieve blanca, tampoco tuve que acostarme con ella para enseñarle lo que era amar; no me interesa saber con quien se esta acostando en este momento o cuantas chelas bebió la noche pasada; no soy tan hipócrita ( y algunos dirán pues que poco civilizado eres ) para que me hable y que me diga que su novio es lo que ella siempre deseo , o que es un tigre en la cama , ¿ que cree que tengo arsénico en las venas ?

“Pobre guey que eres , no te preocupes hay un chingo” decía un amigo,que cabron, así de sencillo hay que dejar en el olvido lo que sucedió, si mi memoria no es un bloc de notas que lo que no me gusta lo arrancas, lo haces bolita y al bote de basura, en donde quedaría entonces el aprendizaje de la experiencia.

Y para colmo de la situación ahora que recuerdo, se quedo con un chingo de cosas mías , y ni si quiera fue para decirme pasa a recogerlas ni nada , que bronca es eso , que este CD es mío que esa película es tuya , que regrésame esto o aquello , imagínense si así de grande es el quilombo por cosas materiales , ¿Cómo seria cuando hay familia de por medio? Que cabron esta eso de hacer tu vida junto a alguien que no conoces realmente.

Por eso ahora sigo sin novia, y quiero que me entiendan, no tengo nada contra ella, nada personal, siempre trato de aguantarme y seguir respetando a la persona con la que tuve algún tipo de relación sentimental, es solo que no podía permitir ver que la bufanda que le había regalado la trajera puesta un cabron, que ni si quiera se interesa por ella, y ensuciara uno de los pocos buenos recuerdos que me quedan.

Por eso le partí la madre.

2005-02-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

La vida es una puta benevolente, la muerte mi verdadera esposa , cada noche me acuesto con una puta , que no me llena como lo hace mi esposa.
@rsenico Qualcomm

Dream without love

2005-02-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

To Angelene Channelle

I don't want to be your headache anymore,
I don't want to see how the rope gets tight,
neither be your negative part
when you've been my happiness.

I can't tell you to go or stay,
but if you stay ,you'll help me find my way.
I don't know what I'm going to do if you go away.
Thinking about it is just madness.

If you want to say good bye, say it now,
it may be better for both.
If you think there is nothing left to fight,
then it won't hurt.

I don't want to cause so much trouble,
you already got enough in your life.
Why we let this get out of our hands?
we swore we wouldn't let this go that far.

But I know we can,
I'm willing to fight.
tell me if you'll be my love,
or if its already lost.

This poem will be published in the book "Eternal Portraits"

Reflections

2005-02-02T22:45:00.000-07:00

I've seen myself reflected, every moment, every place, a new beginning...
I've seen myself calmed, spaciated times caused by frustration and crumbling of my soul, sinking me in pure confusion.
I've seen myself happy, caused by fleeting nites filled of tobacco, whiskey and a girl who I do not even know her name.
I've seen myself crying, because they cry in the inside, because of me...
I've seen myself useless, unable of being the voice that gives advice to those who have been for so many hours the custodians of my dreams and secrets...
I've seen myself angry, receiving spits of fire that sore, that burn deep inside.
and I saw myself writing, swelling my veins, freeing the pain with paper and ink...
I've seen myself tempted and lost with the things everybody else wants , but I keep myself the satisfaction of yielding to it.
I've seen myself irresponsible, in certain circumstances I want to avoid.
I've seen myself missing you and my soul ripping apart.
I've seen myself reflected, in a pool of blood, changing and becoming deformed itself, but every time it just returns to its visual contour and its common components...
I've seen myself like this, you have seen me like this, at least until today. Tomorrow you may not find me , maybe I will not even be able to find myself.

2005-01-29T18:38:00.000-07:00

Si uno se rinde al miedo nunca lo conquistara , porque se asustara de aprender y no volvera a hacer la prueba. Pero si uno trata de aprender durante años, en medio de su miedo, terminara conquistandolo porque nunca se habra abandonado a el en realidad.
@rsenico Qualcomm

Recuerdos

2005-01-28T13:18:00.000-07:00

El tiempo me parecio eterno,
cuando estuve lejos de casa,
pense en ti ...

Yo anduve un poco
por muchos lugares
y hoy me siento fatigado ...

Mas te recuerdo
y recuerdo los buenos momentos,
esos momentos que pase contigo.

Y ahora tengo una historia que contarte
erase una vez alguien,
alguien que conoces muy bien
el se fue muy lejos, buscando otros horizontes
mas aun asi el se perdio
y es por eso que hoy regreso.

Tu sabes he cambiado mucho,
yo creci de una forma
y hoy que regreso veo con tristeza que es de otra.

Me habia hecho de ideas
pero eran ideas locas
y yo estaba equivocado.

No tienes que decirme nada,
soy solamente un recuerdo,
quizas no demasiado malo,
mas solo tu podras juzgarlo.

Amica Mea

2005-01-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

Veni dulcis amica mea,
cum qua iocari et suaviari,
et teneras delicias sumere,
et in amore finire.

Dulcis amica vale,
sine te procul hinc habitatus
anxius abscedo,
qui non cito rediam
non discedo tamen
totus remantequi tecum
cogitamen meum.
Discedo vix ego mecum.

2005-01-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

Si pasaramos mas tiempo en descubrir quienes somos y en explotar nuestras cualidades ,que en lamentarnos por lo que pudiesemos haber sido o por lo que no somos..... no solo seriamos todos seres mas felices , sino que este mundo seria un lugar mucho mejor en donde vivir.
@rsenico Qualcomm

Eternas horas

2005-01-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

En la oscuridad de este silencio tan solo vine a decirte te quiero. Sin excusas ni pretextos no quiero seguir callando este sentimiento.
Cuando te diga lo que siento probablemente no digas nada, pero se que en tus ojos abra un fulgor que solo en ti he encontrado.
Probablemente después nos vuelva a invadir la soledad del silencio, mirándonos y ninguno de los dos sabrá que decir o que hacer; entonces será que me acerque a ti, intentare juntar mis labios con los tuyos, dudaras un momento y me rechazaras, aun cuando te invada el sentimiento me rechazaras diciendo que no es lo correcto, que este no es el momento.
Y así pasaran las horas, los días; en que los dos busquemos un momento y aun cuando sea una noche obscura nuestras acciones la llenaran de estrellas mientras eso sucede, enciende una luz en mi camino y dime que es lo que va a pasar, si es que tú y yo nos podemos amar de verdad.

Perceptions

2005-01-20T16:15:00.000-07:00

I am free as a bird; I choose where to go, what to do. Nobody depends on me , I do not depend on anybody … Simple as it sounds is more complicated than most people thinks. I do not have peace of mind so I got simply nothing , I may have a fancy car waiting in my front door, designer clothes, some money in my pocket, no woman to ask me where I was last nite and still no peace of mind.
What is all about?
What is the purpose of all?
And probably those questions will keep flying through my head for a long time……
The emptiness I feel is just a vision, a feeling of another reality, the reality that hurts our feelings and blurs our reason.
That feeling is caused by something people calls love, a rite between human beings, a practice that includes physical and mental sacrifice, the practice of love is a vision of something sacred, our own happiness, which becomes a unique moment every time.
But this sacrifice is just a mean for a common destiny, if the means becomes the destiny, it turns into destruction of ourselves, the result is not our own happiness and freedom but slavery and soul darkness.
And this is what has been happening in the past few years , love has been torn out of its real context, turning into something that instead of creating is destroying, its like profaning a sacred sacrament , like contemporaneous promiscuity is just profaning our bodies without any true meaning.
At this point I turn my reflection on myself , I can not perceive the real me, its just blurred perceptions and the compositions of these are the ones that forms myself.
Our reality is not but descriptions of others processed by us, our love is not but a reality perceived by our own feelings.

Today

2005-01-13T23:52:00.000-07:00

Im not crazy,
I know how to laugh.
If you're with me,
I'll make you smile.
I'll change your way,
Just for today.

Still trying to find
a place to hide
the painful scar
you left behind.
I'll change my way,
just for today.

Life is a dream,
we have to enjoy.
the night is ending,
still there's no sun.
I'll change our way,
starting today.

2005-01-13T23:50:00.000-07:00

Wise men say only fools show away what they feel. Love is a very powerful source of pain.
@rsenico Qualcomm

Odio, rencor, tan solo una carta para decir adios

2005-01-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

Me voy porque no se que hacer
¿Me preguntas que si me haces falta?
Lo mismo se pregunta tu alma,
y tu pinche corazón
vació y sin amor.

Me lo pregunto cada vez
Que escribo un poema, una carta.
Odio o rencor es lo que siento
Por este amor mal correspondido.

Si supiera porque he sido tan pendejo,
Porque carajos me enamore de ti
Borrare el momento en que te conocí
Sin pensarlo dos veces me alejare de ti

Si regresara el tiempo
Lo detendría en el instante
Donde cruzamos la mirada,
Y ese beso lo terminamos en tu cama.

Tal vez fue la sonrisa
Tal vez tu triste mirada
No tengo ni puta idea de que fue
¡ Tan solo me pregunto que chingados voy a hacer !

Si supiera porque he sido tan pendejo,
Porque carajos me enamore de ti
Borrare el momento en que te conocí
Sin pensarlo dos veces me alejare de ti.

2005-01-09T23:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday is gone...
Tomorrow may never come...
Enjoy the present , it is a gift from life.
If you fall , it won't hurt so much.
There will be someone to give you their hand.
@rsenico Qualcomm

Love??? What is love???

2005-01-07T23:22:00.000-07:00

What is the use of love without having someone to love ? When that special someone just takes your heart as a piece of shite, and flushes it away from her life.
She didn't cared , she just did it in the most painful way, making up excuses, trying to get out of the issue, difficult thing if you don't talk with your heart , she didn't ,she just asked to stop seeing her, stop looking for her, she asked to forget her...
It is not as simple as it sounds, forgetting means burning the past experiences, what makes you grow, forgetting is a simple word, but it hides many feelings, hate,love, respect, fear, just to mention some.
I look into my past and I barely see what or whom I used to be, I do know I lied to many persons , those persons who believed in me the most, I know I failed to them, I am still hoping to get another chance to be trusted, I won't have as long as she doesn't wants to, but I know in her heart the ashes are still burning, and will burn for the time she lives.
I still don't know what is love, loving someone ore being loved, still every time I find different feeling about someone I blind myself calling it love.
The power of the words is too great, and I don't know how to handle it.
I play with them as if they were marbles, as if they were rocks. Throwing them without caring who I may hurt.
I'll keep playing , I'll keep taking the risk , until the moment I find ............. Not just the girl , but also what love is....

I usually write with something or someone in mind , but the past few days life has taught me one of the most difficult lessons, and I failed the test several times, I haven't passed it yet, it keeps flying through my mind, not just what she said, but also the past. Too many things in very little time, most bad, a few of them good , and one or two that marked my life.
Ragazza it's of what you said that made me touch the bottom, now I need to find my way out.

2005-01-07T23:02:00.000-07:00

La felicidad no consiste en vivir sin problemas, sino en saber vivir; es el encuentro con lo mejor de uno mismo, el arte de sacarle a la vida el maximo partido.
@rsenico Qualcomm

Que te puedo decir...

2005-01-05T01:28:00.000-07:00

Que te digo que valga la pena recordar, pero no como aquellas cosas que son necesarias no olvidar,si no como a aquellas cosas que pese a no poder explicar, se saben indispensables para que la vida tenga sentido. Como si fuera Dios, la comida favorita de los famosos, la marca de moda, los sueños guajiros, los héroes nacionales, los mártires de la historia,y todas esas cosas que suponemos “importantes”.
Mis palabras solo hablan de cosas cotidianas, comunes, simplezas necesarias para la vida diaria. Monótonas como como el hecho de comer el alimento de siempre, apenas nutritivo y nada suculento. Cansadas como el trabajo diario y permanente de construir una sociedad. Insignificante como cada uno de los seres que nacen y mueren sin que sus vidas sean conocidazas. Anónimas como el más humilde de los amores.
Las palabras que de mi escuchan, son apenas el recoveco de un mundo lleno de flores y jardines con personas comunes paseando en el atardecer de un día cualquiera, palomas que se alimentan de las migajas que tiramos al suelo.
Días llenos de satisfacción por ver la tarea cumplida en el trabajo, en espera de sueldo, apenas suficiente para pagar el pasaje de regreso a casa y un extra que alcance a mantener nuestros sueños con vida.
Con las manos podemos crear obras imponentes, con el pensamiento podemos crear soluciones brillantes, con la voluntad podemos vencer cualquier obstáculo con la presencia podemos impactar al mundo. Pero solo hacemos con las manos nuestro trabajo, con el pensamiento la palabra diaria y con la voluntad vivimos todos los días.
Que les digo que valga la pena recordar, a pesar del tiempo y el espacio; que les digo que valga la pena recordar, como el principio de un mundo distinto, de un imperio derrumbado, de una justicia alcanzada, de una libertad plena y de una bondad infinita.
Lo único que puedo decir es lo que he aprendido, lo que se me permite decir, en el diario acontecer de una vida que es para el día de hoy, lo que para mañana no será. Mis palabras están llenas de una vida que solo sabe vivir cotidianamente, un día a la vez. Puedo hacer que este día transcurra en su cotidianeidad, puedo hacer que el día termine con lo vivido, pedo decirte lo que hoy fue hecho y lo que mañana puede ser, puedo incluso soñar con todo lo que no diré, con todo lo que no haré o con todo lo que no será.
Puedo decir en cambio algo que te haga reír este día, puedo felicitarte por tu trabajo, puedo alagar tus cualidades, puedo decir lo que nadie te ha dicho, lo que nadie te dirá, lo que solo hoy diré, pero solo lo diré por hoy.
Si dijera algo que valga la pena recordad, será por recordado algo que dejo de existir, es por ello que no lo haré, y de mi solo escucharan las ganas de vivir hoy y dispuesta a hacerlo mañana con mas intensidad que ayer.

2004-12-30T00:04:00.000-07:00

To love one forever is hard to do,
For eternity is a long time its true.
And if by chance you find the perfect one,
Let them know cause your a lucky one.
Don't let them get far from your heart,
Cause this one is going to be off the charts.
For to love one forever is hard to do,
And eternity is a long time, its true

@rsenico Qualcomm

Un dios ...efimero

2004-12-29T23:01:00.000-07:00

Dios creó a dios para así poder crear al hombre, el mismo hombre que hace posible el que dios exista. Existe un sonido o solo existe si hay quien lo perciba? Si dios crea todo, entonces es tan dependiente, incluso de un inmundo roedor que percatase del sonido, tan frágil, tan austero y tan acosado por la ciencia y por el mismo dios, incredulidad. Nosotros creamos a dios, y dios nos recompenzó creandonos a nosotros.
Un dios que nos recompenso de la manera mas austera posible, dandonos hogazas de pan y agua, mostrandonos lo que habia afuera sin ensenarnos de lo que estabamos hechos, al igual que ese dios, somos fragiles y austeros, vulnerables y sensibles, tan acosados por las cosas materiales y tan distanciados de las cosas sentimentales.
Personas van, personas vienen , pero ese dios sigue ahi enfrente , en forma de estampita o de crucifijo, de que sirve si no puedes ayudarnos cuando tenemos un problema, en cambio nos dio amigos, amigos que dicen apoyarte en todo lo que necesites , bueno o malo , y minutos despus de dan la espalda, se burlan de ti y te llaman como a cualqueir otro cabron que dicen llamar amigo.Nosotros creamos a dios, y dios nos recompenzó creandonos a nosotros.

2004-12-23T01:53:00.000-07:00

Say goodbye in a nite like this is one of the last things we will do together.
I never saw yourself so lost like tonite; sometimes you don't even look like yourself.
Dark nite... Please, stay.
But I look at you as if you were made of stone ,while you walk away.
@rsenico Qualcomm

She...He...maybe they

2004-12-23T01:50:00.000-07:00

" I'm tired of going to parties and seeing my friends get drunk, it's always the same shit, I like you because you're not like the rest ", she said....

" I like you because you're intelligent , I've never met someone who could talk so wisely about religion without getting into a fight", he said.....

" I'm going to go to this party but I kind want to see you later tonite", she said.....

"Me too", he said......

"I'll call you , I promise ". she said and after a goodbye hug she left in her red mazda

That nite she left to party , she got drunk, but as he didn't expected she called and told him that she wanted to hang out with him tomorrow.

They started going out , every nite a different theme, from politics to spongebob , the bible to criticizing the Bush family.

His family loved her , she created a special connection with each member of his family .
Her friends wanted to pick on him , still he only had eyes for her.

Parties, movies at his house , staying late, spending the nite together ,they had those kind of relationships that you can't find at walmart. Now everyone may be assuming that their relationship could be based on long hours of great and incredible sex; surprisingly they never had sex, she believed in something even though she wasn;t virigin , he thought that before love came respect , so he never did something she didn't wanted, although he tried to always give a step ahead.

She seemed to love him , he seemed to love her, they do care for each other.
Without a reason one day she went to his house , she said they couldn't go out anymore , he didn't understood why , she came back to talk it over and over , still she said she was confused , he still doesn't understands.

He fought for her love, to have her back, she walked away seeming she did'nt cared.

It's been a month since they stopped seeing each other, he still remembers her, e wrote her a letter, she wants him back although her pride doesn't lets her go back.

He saw her yesterday , she acted as if she was stupid , she tried to turn him down , he knows her very well , she is playing the stupid , he is following her game.

" I'm having so much fun with my girlfriends, I got so drunk yesterday, and I'll do the same tonite , lucky I don't have school tomorrow and I have to work till two , so i can be hung over all morning , then work ;go with my friends , get drunk , act stupid , and do that over and over again ", she said.....

" I wonder where is the girl I first met, the one who was intelligent , and still had fun without wasting her life " , he thought......

She went to get drunk , now she remembers that old boyfriend who gaveall for her.
He walked away, he left his heart open for the day the girl he first met came back.

He is still waiting.....

2004-12-15T01:34:00.000-07:00

All those that told you lies never had my face or my voice.
Just give it a try, I promise I'll cherish your heart like if it was mine.
@rsenico Qualcomm

Lost angel

2004-12-15T01:20:00.000-07:00

You think you know me
but you know me not.
You think you can see through me
When you can’t see past your mind.
I am a maze
Yet you think I am so simple.
But all you can see is a mask
A parody of what you want.
You’ll never feel
You’ll never see
You’ll never touch
The real me.

I am dead inside.
Yet I’m burning alive.
I am nothing
I am everything
I am your sweetest dream
And your worst nightmare.
You love me
And you hate me
I am yourself.

Love, hate
Respect, disrespect
Light and darkness
I am all that I feel all that
I embrace myself

Look at the mirror
What’s that I see?
I see the angel I used to be.

2004-12-14T11:41:00.000-07:00

Nothing is hidden that will no be made known,or secret that will not come to light.
@rsenico Qualcomm

143 ILU

2004-12-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

te amo con la fuerza de los mares

te amo con el impetu del viento

te amo en la distancia y en el tiempo

te amo con mi alma y con mi carne

te amo como el nino a su manana

te amo como el hombre a su recuerdo

te amo a puro grito y en silencio

te amo de una forma sobre humana

te amo en la alegria y el llanto

te amo en el peligro y en la calma

te amo cuando gritas y cuando callas

yo solo te amo

2004-12-14T11:17:00.000-07:00

if reality is not the way i think.....fuck reality
@rsenico Qualcomm

Eggnog,blunts and whiskey...

2004-12-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

every tear i dropped for her,
is one pain less,
still our lives,
seem so away.
every dawn,
every dusk,
i ask myself
why?
still no answer arrives,
i'll drink whiskey tonite,
maybe smoke a blunt .
i'll burn the lies
and let the ashes
go away.
why not?
fucked up life
with out you.
time to forget
time to walk away
lets drink some whiksey
lets drink some eggnog

2004-12-13T22:02:00.000-07:00

AMOR VINCIT OMNIA
(love conquers all)
@rsenico Qualcomm

Sopita con Pollito

2004-12-13T20:47:00.000-07:00

131204 ..... sitting in front of a cursed pathway thinking how miserable life is when you don't enjoy the moments. i still miss her ........
021004 ..... i'm not really sure why, how or what were the circumstances that nite, i'm still not sure if it was this nite , but it started evrything with just a smile........
261104 ..... my mom arrived , there was nothing much left, she promised she would come back, it never happened till some days later,still can't find where i spent 1500, nevermind i hope it doesn't turns out that bad........
081204 ..... elp tower 303 alfa tango, ready for take off, 303 alfa tango runway 26 left take off with no delays. take off with direction west, facing the wind, thinking to myself that i need something to drink, the flight seems quiet, i look into the sun , it's really bright, i remember her smile, she promised she would go to fly with me, one more promise broke........

081104 ..... usa elections, very close, i bet a six pack of dark heineken, obviously i was going to lose, my brother is more aware of the status of the elections, liberals still have a chance.......

261004 ..... i never knew how powerful the words "sopita con pollito" would be the rest of our relationship but it really made us enjoy so many things. bbq ribs,chilli's, 80 dlls, 10 dlls tip and some mango tea........

061004 ..... you don't know much about me yet

you think you do but we just met

these feelings i cannot erect

for fear of harsh pain and neglect (A.Ch.)

241104 ..... pain, hurt, pain, heart, pain, loneliness, pain...deep inside a lot of pain, i wonder how you get rid of this shite, i wonder how come she doesn't feel anything for me, i keep questioning my heart what i did wrong this time, i wasn't perfect i know, but i never pushedher to do something bad...maybe something, maybe love me........

081104 ... 12pm ..... still no winner though the elections are already won by a republican who carries values as his flag, and christianity as his emblem, im glad she got what she wanted, tomorrow we'll smoke some mango tobbacco........

061004 ..... a lion waiting to break free

a side he wants us all to see

is he afraid to show the pain

that keeps him in captivity (A.Ch)

261204 ..... i was afraid , i won't deny it, still i found in her a burning light in my dim life, she turned her back on, she can'tdeny it, who is afraid to show the pain that keeps her in captivity? i gave her my heart, still she walked away and left me watching her die, she denied my help, she denied my heart; i can't, i won't stop loving her, i'm here till the day she comes back........

131204 ... 12 pm ..... just in case you forgot it, let me remind you my truth.... i love you.

2004-12-12T21:27:00.000-07:00

Quisiera estar donde estaba cuando queria estar donde estoy ahora...
@rsenico Qualcomm

Il mio universo è una cosa sconosciuta

2004-12-12T21:25:00.000-07:00

Mi universo es una cosa extraña, sobrevivo al silencio de cada noche en la que tu no estas.
Contigo o sin ti yo tengo que seguir, pero es tan fácil vivir una mentira, es por eso que rompo mis esquemas, y cambio el rumbo de mi vida, después de probar el dulce toque de tus labios, no hay nada con lo que pueda compararlos.
Te marchas y te quedas, eres mi pregunta y mi respuesta, y en la oscuridad de la noche eres mi estrella. Vas conmigo y estas dentro de mi vida y a la vez tan fuera. ¿Pero que pasa si mi corazón se equivoca y me lleva lejos de ti? No habrá respuesta, tan solo tu alma se alejara, solo dejo lo que quiera el destino que sea.
No habrá porque decirlo, cuando mi futuro se una contigo no habrá a quien engañar. Mientras tanto te muerdes los labios y finges llorar, pero hay cosas que no puedes ocultar, sabes que por el no sientes lo mismo, no lo puedes negar.
Hoy sobran mis palabras, el silencio a veces es mejor, hoy es tan amargo el dolor que no lo puedo ocultar, es por eso que te pienso para encontrar el remedio. No es fácil, hay noches en que no puedo dormir imaginándolo. No valgo nada si tu no estas y aunque parezca absurdo me cuesta respirar. Con tu vida cambiaste mi rumbo, de pronto te fuiste y todo perdió valor, y quede apartado del mundo.

Soledad disoluta

2004-12-12T20:58:00.000-07:00

¿Puta, como le voy a hacer? Se pregunta tu alma cada vez que te atormenta la soledad, también se lo pregunta tu corazón que tiene una oscuridad y un vació sin el calor de mi amor.
Se lo pregunta tu soledad y aunque estas acompañada, necesitas de algo y alguien mas.
Me lo pregunto yo cada vez que escribo una carta, no se si se deba al rencor, o al odio que siento por este amor, que has correspondido de la manera mas inverosímil que has podido.
Si supiera porque he sido tan pendejo al enamorarme de ti, si pudiera detener y regresar el tiempo lo haría justo en el momento en que te conocí, cuando acerque mi cuerpo y permití salir lo que había en mí. Si pudiera lo detendría en ese preciso momento y me sentaría a reflexionar porque me enamore de ti, tal vez tu sonrisa, una mirada o un suspiro de algún sentimiento. No lo se, tan solo hoy me pregunto, con todos estos sentimientos, ¿Qué carajos voy a hacer?

Aquellas pequenas cosas...

2004-12-12T13:47:00.000-07:00

Son aquellas pequeñas cosas las que mas dentro se han guardado, y cuando te busco en mis sentimientos, siento que no te he encontrado.
Desempolva mi corazón, que mucha falta hace aquí, y aunque veas en mi cara el miedo de volver a ser lastimado has de saber que de ti estoy enamorado. Tu mirada placida, tan bella, tan sincera y serena, sin atarte a las condiciones de una mentira.
Mientras, espero el día que vuelvas, porque todo esto es tan solo un sueno, le clamo a la locura que me devuelva la razón para librarme del pasado que hoy en día sigo arrastrando.
No se si amarte u olvidarte, hay días en que me das vida que me pides que este a tu lado, que te ayudara a guiar tus pasos. Tus caricias eran el fuego que hacia arder mi alma.
Pero a los dos no nos queda claro, porque cuando ha de morir el atardecer vuelves a ceder y das dos pasos atrás, mientras le clamas al viento que tu y yo tan solo seamos amigos.
Mientras desciframos este eterno misterio, déjame probar tus labios, sentir tu corazón y dejemos de sentir dolor, un dolor pasajero, a causa de este amor al cual no le quieres dar razón.

2004-12-12T13:16:00.000-07:00

Cuando sea grande volvere a ser lo que he sido... Y entonces sera que nos volvamos a encontrar.
Diminui

A19C7H86O

2004-12-12T13:13:00.000-07:00

I don’t want to be your headache anymore, I don’t want to see how the rope gets tight, neither be you negative part when you’ve just been my happiness.
And I can’t tell you to go or stay, but if you stay ,you’ll help me find my way. Because I do not know what I’m going to do if you go away. Just thinking about it just drives me crazy.
If you want to say good bye, say it now, it may be better for both. If you think there is nothing lest to fight for, then it won’t hurt. But why is it hurting me so much.
I don’t want to cause you so much trouble, you already got enough in your life. Why we let this get out of our hands, we swore we wouldn’t let this happen.
But I know we can, by my side I’m willing to fight. Now tell me if you’ll still be my love, or I’ll wonder around remembering you.

2004-12-12T12:57:00.000-07:00

Conformate con tu suerte, es el secreto de la dicha.
@rsenico Qualcomm